First Love….

Almost all of us has our own experience of love. But the most memorable for us was the time when we experience this what we called “first love”. As the title of the song goes” First love never dies”, there is really something especial in first love, for it contains bittersweet memories. It also stirs our passion to love and to be loved by someone. Most important thing is that, it makes us more human!

Like most ordinary men outside, I was also once hit by the arrows of cupid. I was 16 yrs old at that time. I was caught defenseless; I was overwhelmed by the excitement brought by love in my life only to realize that it would just end up tearing my precious heart apart. I was sent to a certain parish for a month of parish exposure. In that place where I was assigned, I met a girl named Sarah. She was pretty and attractive. She was one year older than me. She’s so friendly and nice which is very opposite to my silent and shy personality. What made me fell for her was that she possess what I lack. We have different personalities which I could feel that we really complement each other. To make the story short, I pursued her. I made great efforts just to prove that what I felt was not just an infatuation but love in a real and true sense. Love stirs our passion to love and to be loved. When my one month of parish exposure is about to end, I bade farewell to her through text but still continued my efforts to win her heart. When I was about to go back to the seminary she texted me and gave me her answer. She said “yes, let’s give it a shot.” Though it sounds so doubtful on her part but I was still happy knowing that she already accepted my love for her.  Despite of my limited resources inside the seminary, I still find time to communicate with her. I brought my cell phone with me though I know for a fact that if I’ll be caught, it would really put my vocation at risk since bringing cell phone is a major violation in our college seminary. I texted and called her every night.  There is really a sense of happiness and joy that I felt during those times which I cannot explain in plain words. I became romantic at some point, though it was not my nature but because of her I discovered that I also have that kind of talent as a person.

Love contains bittersweet memories. It really went so well for few months but like other failed love stories we used to witness in television and movies-it got sour and went rugged as time goes by. I woke-up one morning receiving no text message from her. I called her but she won’t answer. I thought that it was just for a mean time but I was wrong. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I waited for her text message yet still nothing comes. Then I realize that I was really in love since I was in deep pain. I struggled and I cried because I cannot bear anymore the pain inside. Indeed “pain demands to be felt!”  She left me without explaining the reason why. She left me as if nothing happens. Love makes us more human. It took 2 years for

me to fully recover from that heartbreak. It’s not easy honestly to move on. I remember during those days, every time I close my eyes her face appears in my horizon. I lost the excitement in waking-up every morning because I lost my inspiration. I don’t like to eat my meals and it seems that everything were tasteless for my tongue. Those were just part of the recovery process and it was not easy at all.” Time heals everything”, I could attest the truth behind this saying. I just let go and let God heal me at the right time. I felt so helpless and hopeless, and one night I found myself kneeling inside my room asking God why he allows me to experience this kind of pain. From that moment, I feel God’s comfort. That very event of my life becomes a humbling experience on my part for it depicted my vulnerability and imperfection. Through that, I came to understand more about myself. It made me realize that I am normal, that I am just human. Human that knows how to laugh when he feels happy and knows how to cry when he is in pain. I am human and I need God in my life. The God who never leaves even at the lowest moments of our lives. The God who understands even in our deepest pains and miseries. The God who embraces and loves us despite of everything!

Love is really mysterious; it makes a sweet entrance and takes a painful exit. What matters most is that we are ready to clean-up the mess after a short time of joy and happiness! I exists because of LOVE, I continue living because I LOVE and I will be forever thankful for His LOVE. Let us all remember that God is LOVE and he can’t deny himself to express his nature to us-his creation.