First Love….

Almost all of us has our own experience of love. But the most memorable for us was the time when we experience this what we called “first love”. As the title of the song goes” First love never dies”, there is really something especial in first love, for it contains bittersweet memories. It also stirs our passion to love and to be loved by someone. Most important thing is that, it makes us more human!

Like most ordinary men outside, I was also once hit by the arrows of cupid. I was 16 yrs old at that time. I was caught defenseless; I was overwhelmed by the excitement brought by love in my life only to realize that it would just end up tearing my precious heart apart. I was sent to a certain parish for a month of parish exposure. In that place where I was assigned, I met a girl named Sarah. She was pretty and attractive. She was one year older than me. She’s so friendly and nice which is very opposite to my silent and shy personality. What made me fell for her was that she possess what I lack. We have different personalities which I could feel that we really complement each other. To make the story short, I pursued her. I made great efforts just to prove that what I felt was not just an infatuation but love in a real and true sense. Love stirs our passion to love and to be loved. When my one month of parish exposure is about to end, I bade farewell to her through text but still continued my efforts to win her heart. When I was about to go back to the seminary she texted me and gave me her answer. She said “yes, let’s give it a shot.” Though it sounds so doubtful on her part but I was still happy knowing that she already accepted my love for her.  Despite of my limited resources inside the seminary, I still find time to communicate with her. I brought my cell phone with me though I know for a fact that if I’ll be caught, it would really put my vocation at risk since bringing cell phone is a major violation in our college seminary. I texted and called her every night.  There is really a sense of happiness and joy that I felt during those times which I cannot explain in plain words. I became romantic at some point, though it was not my nature but because of her I discovered that I also have that kind of talent as a person.

Love contains bittersweet memories. It really went so well for few months but like other failed love stories we used to witness in television and movies-it got sour and went rugged as time goes by. I woke-up one morning receiving no text message from her. I called her but she won’t answer. I thought that it was just for a mean time but I was wrong. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I waited for her text message yet still nothing comes. Then I realize that I was really in love since I was in deep pain. I struggled and I cried because I cannot bear anymore the pain inside. Indeed “pain demands to be felt!”  She left me without explaining the reason why. She left me as if nothing happens. Love makes us more human. It took 2 years for

me to fully recover from that heartbreak. It’s not easy honestly to move on. I remember during those days, every time I close my eyes her face appears in my horizon. I lost the excitement in waking-up every morning because I lost my inspiration. I don’t like to eat my meals and it seems that everything were tasteless for my tongue. Those were just part of the recovery process and it was not easy at all.” Time heals everything”, I could attest the truth behind this saying. I just let go and let God heal me at the right time. I felt so helpless and hopeless, and one night I found myself kneeling inside my room asking God why he allows me to experience this kind of pain. From that moment, I feel God’s comfort. That very event of my life becomes a humbling experience on my part for it depicted my vulnerability and imperfection. Through that, I came to understand more about myself. It made me realize that I am normal, that I am just human. Human that knows how to laugh when he feels happy and knows how to cry when he is in pain. I am human and I need God in my life. The God who never leaves even at the lowest moments of our lives. The God who understands even in our deepest pains and miseries. The God who embraces and loves us despite of everything!

Love is really mysterious; it makes a sweet entrance and takes a painful exit. What matters most is that we are ready to clean-up the mess after a short time of joy and happiness! I exists because of LOVE, I continue living because I LOVE and I will be forever thankful for His LOVE. Let us all remember that God is LOVE and he can’t deny himself to express his nature to us-his creation.

Virtual World bridge to the Real....

For introvert persons like me, I usually build rapport towards other through social media. It’s kind difficult on my part to express myself to a person especially during our first meeting or in actual situations. I am more comfortable to converse through facebook or email with others, most especially to my new acquaintances. Virtual community serves as my stepping stone to relate myself in the real world. Due to my shyness it is really difficult for me to relate easily with others. That is why I should say that human relation is a gift and a skill at the same time. For those people who have already the talent then it’s good for them. For people like me who don’t have then we need to double our efforts and overcome our shyness. It’s really difficult I should say but I think it’s not bad since I am making the virtual world as my ladder to relate with to real world. It would be worst if I would just box and suffocate myself to the virtual world without even trying to relate to the real one. 

Virtual world is just a mirror of the real world. The virtual world may appear and look good but it would be best for us to really go deep and try to find the real stories behind the actual situations and life of the people. Let’s make the virtual world our bridge to the real world.

JOHN

    I was supposed to be happy that day because I passed my exam in one of our Philosophy subjects but when I heard the news about the condition of my friend John, I felt no reason for any celebration. My heart breaks after knowing that my friend is now on the brink of being insane due to addiction on illegal drugs. On the evening of that day, the news really bothered me, I feel pity for my friend because I know that despite of his being a drug addict, he is still a good man. Our friendship which was tested through times could attest how good he is to me.

          The last time I went home, it was last October 2013 and it coincides with the barangay elections; I met him again and talked to him together with our other friends. We laughed together and shared personal experiences. Suddenly, he came close to me and said” dong sorry, but I need to distance myself from you because I don’t want to drag your name by my foolishness. I want to preserve your reputation as a seminarian. This gesture won’t mean that we are not friends anymore rather it’s my way of protecting my beloved friend (you) from unjust criticisms of other people. I was touched by what he said to me and I responded,”no John, we are friends since then and I appreciate and value our friendship. Our friendship has gone through many years already and it will not change. If you keep yourself away from me, then, I will take the initiative to be near to you”  

       After we had that conversation, I still continued going to their house and invited him together with our other friends to go outing or have food trips within our place. In our friendship, we are very open to each other. I can share to him my problems and he also shares his miseries in life to me. We gave advices to each other for every difficult situation we confronted. We tease and criticize each other in a constructive way.  In him I experienced the best friendship I really dreamed of. A friendship which is not founded on the material benefits that we can gain out of each other rather its foundation are loyalty and trust.

     When I came to know John many years back, he’s not yet into that kind of vice at that time. I just found it out last 3 years ago, but still, I did not change the way how I treat him as my friend. Many people had told me to keep away from him, but I never do what they said. On my part, it’s not an act of rebellion but it’s my act of compassion for someone who is discriminated by the community. I know John as a good man and not as a drug addict, I know him as my dear friend and not as an outcast in our place. If people will despise me because we are friends then I don’t care. Anyway, I am doing no harm to any one or even to myself since my intention is pure. Is it wrong to care for a friend? Is it wrong to give value to someone who is perceived as worthless by the community? I believe there’s nothing wrong with my actions as long as I won’t do the same thing. In fact I never fail to convince him to quit from his vice.

       I know that people are just concern about me and they don’t want me to be influenced by some drug addicts. I understand their part, but John is not the same with other people out there. Although he’s an addict but he is a true friend to me. Even just once, he never convinces me to try such wrong doing. On the other hand, what annoys me is that, some people think that as a seminarian I should not get in touch with this kind of people. But I believe that they are wrong. For me nothing will be change in our friendship. My identity as a seminarian will not segregate myself from this kind of people in our community. Hence, my identity just made me more aware of my obligations as a Christian in our society. I have been taught here in the seminary to love the least, the last and the lost. To show genuine compassion and love for those people who really need it most, and I believe John is one of them. Accountability for our brothers and sisters is not just a mere word. As a Christian, most especially as a seminarian, it should be observed and incorporated into my life. We are following Jesus Christ’s footsteps and it was him,” the good shepherd who left the 99 sheeps to search for the lost one”. Can’t we do the same act to our brothers and sisters who are lost? The essence of being a seminarian doesn’t lie in our sotanas because it is just a piece of cloth. We are seminarians if we could integrate the gospel values that we’ve learned in the seminary. Let us all be identified as such not because of our clericals or sotanas but with how we accept, reach out and sympathize for people who are worthless for others, for people who are lost, last and least in our society.

         Right after vacation, I will visit John and I hope that he can still identify me as his friend and calls my name like what he always does before.

The MESSAGE behind the visit of POPE FRANCIS…

Almost everybody is on their feet in full anticipation and excitement for the upcoming visit of Pope Francis here in the Philippines. It’s an honor for our country to welcome the Roman Pontiff but it also entails a great challenge and responsibility on our part as a host nation. I am not talking merely on the cost of the preparation that we will be going to spend for his visit. What I am pointing here as a great challenge and responsibility on our part is our disposition to receive and integrate in our lives the message and purpose of his coming. Mercy and Compassion, two words yet so deep and touching. This is the very purpose of Pope’s visit. He is here not take “selfies” together with our political and church leaders but he is here to commune with the poor and spread Jesus’ message of mercy and compassion!

The pope never fails to remind us that “he should not be the center of this visit” but the message and the person he represents should be our focus-Jesus Christ! I read several negative reactions coming from the atheists and other sects. They said that because of Pope Francis’ visit, the Philippine constitution is compromised. The separation of the Church and state is violated. According to them also, our government spend millions of pesos in preparing for his coming which is very inappropriate and imprudent. The fund the government is using is coming from the taxpayers in general and not all tax payers are Catholics. Well, all I can say is that Pope Francis is a simple man, in fact he told our Church and government leaders to make their preparation simple.  If our leaders welcome him grandiosely as an expression of our hospitality then it’s not his fault but I believe that there’s nothing wrong in that also. We are just living our identity as Filipinos, the identity of being hospitable to our visitors. Anyways, this a very rare event for us and it calls for celebration I think. It is a celebration in moderation imbibing the message of Mercy and Compassion

My CHRISTmas experience

Every Christmas Season I can always remember a very special experience when I was a child. During our childhood years, I and my elder sister were encouraged by our mother to hangs socks outside our window. According to our mother the purpose of hanging our socks is for us to receive gifts for Christmas coming from a generous beard man named Santa Claus. We hanged our socks on the night of December 15 and opened it a day after. We have done that thing for 9 days in relation also to the number of days of the Misa de Gallo.

Every time I hang my socks, I always whisper a very sincere prayer asking Santa Claus to give me a toy car or a robot. The first day I opened my socks, I saw lots of candies and chocolates and it made me happy even if my request was not granted. From the very first day until the end, I always fail to receive what I wished to receive from Santa Claus. But despite of that disappointment I still believe in him and do the same thing the next year around. One time my cousin who was also my playmate shared to me his experience about the hanging of socks every Christmas. He told me that he caught her mother putting something inside his socks in the middle of the night. He was about to go to their comfort room when he noticed his mother walking slowly to the direction of their window. When he caught his mother his mother just smiled and kissed him. I was enlightened by the testimony of my cousin and it answered my questions which I kept for a longer span of time. At first I was angry because I felt that I was being fooled by my parents for letting us believe about Santa Claus and everything. I was also ashamed to myself because I was not keen enough to notice everything. I realize then the very reason why I always received candies and chocolates instead of robots and toy cars. Aside from the fact that we were so poor at that time and my mother can’t afford to buy those toys, she also doesn’t know what I whispered during my prayers because I kept it only to myself. I was really mad at them. I confronted them about that and they just told me that when I become older I will just understand things better.

Now when I remember that experience, I can’t avoid but to smile and eventually laugh for what I have done and felt during those times. That experience instilled the value of GENEROSITY and SELFLESS LOVE in me. It also paves the way for me to appreciate more my parents for their great love and sacrifice for my sake, for our sake! I really salute not just my parents but all the parents who really made great sacrifices and compromises for the sake of their loved ones. Most specially I appreciate and thank our Lord JESUS CHRIST for being the epitome of generosity and selfless love for the salvation of all humanity.

Merry and Happy New Year to all!!

Can you find me on this picture? Lol this was taken 5 years ago . I was 16 years old at that time. My Pre-College year in the seminary.....

My Vocation Story

            My name is Charles L. Cuizon, a fourth year seminarian of Immaculate Heart of Mary Seminary in Tagbilaran City, Bohol, Philippines. When I look back at the time when I heard God’s calling. I realize that it was truly a mystery. I heard God’s calling when I was a third year high school but back then I never give it much attention. I thought that it was just an empty dream which was very far from reality. I was just surprised in one incident of my life where God stirred my sleeping zeal for this vocation. He let me realize the essential things in life and I do believe that it was His means in order for me to pursue this aspiration.

        When I was a fourth year high school student, my mother kept on asking me what degree I planned to take in college. At that time, I was confused whether to take Electrical engineering like my cousin so that I could go along with him to the same university; Dentistry as what my mother suggested or a Nautical related degree like most of my classmates’ choice. I was so confused at that time and I even thought of giving up college. Consequently, my mother scolded me and asked me to think and think and think.

        Wanting to save my life’s direction, I tried to recall my experiences .When I was in third year high school, I used to read Misyon Magazine which was supplied by our school. I had special fondness on a certain column called “The Vocation Story” which featured different vocation stories of missionary, religious, diocesan priests, nuns, seminarians and lay volunteers who opted to serve and submit themselves to God despite the obstacles in their individual lives. Such vocation stories opened my eyes to the essential things in life and its purpose which is to serve God and our fellowmen. I then told myself, here was my discovery: I wanted to offer my life to God and share myself to my fellowmen through service and faith. I wanted my heart to rest in God like what St. Augustine said “My heart is restless till it rest in thee, my God.”

          Like dark clouds blown away by the wind, the doubts disappeared to my mind. My firm decision was to enter the seminary to fulfill my aspiration to become a priest. Yet, when I told my mother about my plan, she was pessimistic and even predicted that I could not survive in the seminary. I stood in my decision and with my insistence my mother finally yielded and gave me her blessing. I took the entrance examination, attended the orientation, underwent the interview and got accepted in the seminary.

           Time runs so fast and with time, changes in my life unfold little by little. Before I knew it, the difference has become great, both intrinsically and extrinsically. My perception of life has changed and so as my life style. I have a new identity; I am now a seminarian. Even my mother who at first opposed my decision is now my number one supporter.

           Recalling those trials in my life as I responded to the call of God and even when I’m on the process of formation, I could say that, all is really a blessing from God. I did not expect that I could arrive at this point of my life. Inspite of my limitedness, mistakes, and weaknesses during the process of formation, I still see the hand of God guiding me.

           I am now grabbing this rare opportunity and gift from God in pursuing this vocation. I am taking a leap of faith. Even if I know that I have limitations but I know that if it is God’s will, it will truly come to be.